I have an odd secret to confess. Not many people know about it, but I guess that the secret is about to be well known. Are you ready? Delightful. I can turn invisible. Wait, hold on! I'm not crazy. I have come to this conclusion after years of research into why I can successfully be ignored both at brick and mortar stores as well as by customer service. I can look you right in the eyes, give you a VERY specific piece of information, repeat it, and you will still get it wrong. This must be because of my powers of invisibility, which distort my image, voice, and actions from normal human senses. I know that my dog could sense me, and this doesn't extend to anyone who knows me, but all others can successfully not see me for long periods of time.
Today I was expecting a package from a MAJOR Consumer Electronics company, and after repeating my address no less than 4 times (I do this with almost everyone), they still managed to get it wrong. Was it a simple misunderstanding? OF COURSE. By simple, you mean that they mauled not only my address, but actually confused my information with that of my wife, who was already int he system with her own information? Than simple. I repeat the address by saying the numbers by themselves, combining them, then saying the whole thing. I spell out my street name, say it, then use a simile to explain it. My last name is spelled, said, spelled, then again with a simile.
I make sure that anyone who needs a vital piece of information will get it. I hate making mistakes. It is a quirk of mine. I am a perfectionist because I expect that when I speak with others they will have an attention to detail. More importantly, I expect that an individual in customer service, an individual whose ENTIRE JOB is to type in information properly, would have an attention for details.
So once I find out that there is an error on the part of the company and my package will not be delivered, I do what any right minded individual would do. I contact the shipping company. Can anybody guess how this is about to go? So I contact them, find out that my information is completely mauled, and that the driver was unable to deliver my package to me. I don't blame him. How can I expect a driver to attempt to deliver a package to a nonexistent street number on a nonexistent street? Don't shoot the messenger, but get your bullets ready for his bosses!
So I contact the shipping company and speak with their customer service agent, who is nice enough to inform me that there must be an error on my package, because the driver tried to deliver it but was unable to. I give her my proper information, along with verifying that I can just go pick up the package today. My day was already wasted, so why not finish up and get the package I waited all day for. Will it be available for pick up? "Of course. Let me call and verify. Please hold." 2 Peter Cetera songs later I am informed that my package will be available for pick up at the location nearest me. I verify that it is the one I am thinking of, and set off.
Let me just point out the absolute futility of my situation, because apparently every single person I know EXCEPT for me knows exactly where this is going. I get to the location, tracking number and ID in hand, ready to pick up my much-anticipated package. "Sir, that tracking number doesn't match ANYTHING in our system!" But I am sure that I wrote it down correctly. Let me call my lovely wife to verify. Yep, it's written down correctly. "Well, maybe you have a different package than something we deliver." No, It is through you, and I just got off the phone with customer service. They assured me all would be well.
So I go off and call customer service again. Pop quiz: What is the chance of customer service not having a SINGLE piece of information that I had given them earlier, and no notes about my previous contact with them? Did you say "No less than 100%?" Then you are right! All others, please see my assistant for your new hat and to pick a corner to sit in. I proceed to restate my tracking number, name, address, birth date, eye color, favorite food, second grade teacher's name, and how many fingers she is holding up. "Sir, it appears that your package was not delivered because your address was wrong." You mean the address that the package was being sent was wrong. " Same thing. It is on a truck, and we can change the address so that it will be delivered to a new address. "I was told that I could come pick it up. I am at the location right now. "Which location?" The one that I verified with the last person. "Sir, we don't have any notes saying that you called in, so we can't place a hold on the package for you to pick it up. Besides that, you are at the wrong location, and the driver who has your package won't be back until after they close. We also can't release the package because your address differs from what you say it is." So how exactly am I supposed to get my package? ":Oh, we can change it to a different address, They will be able to deliver it to you Wednesday. Wait, today is Monday. It's already on the truck. Why won't I get it tomorrow? "Oh, you might get it tomorrow. Or Wednesday. No later than Friday though." That's a fantastic spread of numbers. Now that I have wasted my time, and my energy, I guess that I will let you listen to my soul being crushed then hang up. "That sounds fantastic. Thank you for calling us. We hope to talk to you again soon." I really have no desire to call them again, but that last line leaves me worried.
So the perfect storm of customer disservice once again finds its way over my head. An error on the part of Company A causes Company B to be unable to deliver something to me. Company B is then unable to write ANYTHING down the first time, and I get to go on a scenic tour of the city for nothing. The plus side to all of this? HA! There is no plus side, but hopefully they can get their acts together sooner than later. I have to go now. I think my cloak needs cleaning.
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